I often wish I was non-emotional and just plain numb. Those wishes have not come true as of late. Without being able to discuss publicly what my family has experienced during the past six months, I have been advised that I have now approached the "anger" stage in my grieving process. I have wholeheartedly embraced each stage thus far so as to work through things.
1. SHOCK & DENIAL- check
2. PAIN & GUILT- check
3. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- check
4. ANGER & BARGAINING - present
Forthcoming . . .
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
When I look at the 7 steps of grieving I see bargaining right next to anger. I have to say that today, there is no bargaining. I want to kick someone in the head, knock them to the floor, and hang them by their toes above a pool of blood-sucking leeches. I am pissed off and I have no way of expressing that anger other than to blog, cry, pray, read the Bible and do that all over again.
My anger and frustration have captured my every thought today. They have consumed my inner-most being. Beyond words, beyond my own comprehension . . . my thoughts have strayed. Never before have I imagined what went through my head today.
Let me just say this, there is no bargaining, no negotiating, no acceptance of your actions you filthy, disgusting, scum of the earth, sleaze bag, douche sucking, freak. Though I may not get to see your sentence fulfilled the way I feel it should be here on earth, but I am guaranteed you will burn in hell for eternity for your actions.
I thought maybe expressing it in writing might help release some of my frustration; needless to say, I am still in Stage 4.
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