Christmas with Grandma

Yesterday as Ladd and I traveled home from a fun-filled night provided by his employer, I was thinking how fortunate we are.  I am not talking about money or anything like that, but feeling so blessed that we are able to spend time with our kiddos and family this holiday season.  I especially thought a lot about my grandparents and no matter how long they have been gone, the memories they provided to us will ever be so vivid.

My Grandma Wanell spent endless hours in the kitchen baking with us girls as we grew up.  Buckeyes, sugar cookies, peanut butter kiss cookies, chocolate rolls, pumpkin rolls, jelly rolls.  Oh my goodness, the list is endless.  Never once did I hear her complain about the flour all over the floor or that we probably ate more than we produced.  She taught us how to beautifully decorate a home and tree on a budget and how to wrap gifts.  She taught us how to give joyfully and to not want or expect during the holidays.

My Grandpa would sneak in and out of all the holiday to-do's.  He always made sure to take us on the mistletoe hunt and loved bringing the ugly mistletoe back to the house for Grandma.  He would stand at the front door holding it up until Grandma scurried over to give him the much sought after kiss and squishy hugs.  He also had to taste-test all of the baked goodies and frequently stopped by to pat my Grandma on the back and give her kisses.

Grandma woke at early hours of the morning to prepare the most delicious Christmas breakfast a person could envision with glazed spiral sliced ham, bacon, sausage, homemade buttermilk biscuits, gravy, chocolate gravy, and just about every side you could think of in visions of the best breakfast ever.  The best part of Christmas breakfast?  Walking in the door and my Grandma's expression of excitement and happiness at seeing her family.

We usually received practical gifts from my Grandma . . . Sunday clothes or warm socks, but she also gave us gifts that would last for MANY years ahead.  Each year she gave us a blanket or quilt and always with a note written or embroidered in the corner "Love Grandpa and Grandma Allen" with the year.  To this day I have those blankets, some tattered and torn and worse for wear, but they have been with me in every apartment or home I have lived and have wrapped each of my kiddos in warmth and love.

My Grandmother truly captured the holiday season in her smile and acts of kindness. She sought after the family that needed clothes or a hot meal and provided it.  She found the child that needed a hug and gave it.  She loved relentlessly and gave what she had to offer.  She kept her focus on Christ and shared it with anyone who would listen.  My Grandma, oh how I miss her today.

My husband is such a dick!

Yep, those are the words I heard come out of my friends mouth just recently.  "My husband is suck a dick!"  When I asked her what she meant, she described all of the things he was doing wrong . . . not saying thank you to her for all her hard work, treating her like she was his "buddy", not picking up his dirty clothes, expecting dinner by 5:30 every night, sitting around with his hands in his pants watching tv while she did the dishes, laundry, homework with the kids and all the other routine items, expecting sex all the time (at which point she said "What? Does he think I am some sort of machine?  Push a button and whala!  Sex goddess ready for action!").  She went on to describe how he breathes, turns on the lights when she is trying to rest, can never find the remote and doesn't even know how to operate the damn dishwasher (her words, not mine).

The entire time my friend was talking, I kept thinking, this could be any one of us.  We get so used to the daily responsibilities, that we forget, it gets tiresome, monotonous and more importantly . . . forgotten by our partners.  I am the most guilty of this.  I often forget that Ladd puts in 12-14 hour days, then comes home exhausted.  I think because I worked hard, I shouldn't be expected to continue working when I come home exhausted.

I remember when we first got married, I got up each morning made coffee and breakfast, packed his lunch, ironed his clothes and sent him out the door for the day.  I remember the exact moment when I discovered the 10 or so uneaten lunches sitting in his car.  I remember feeling betrayed and unappreciated.  Reality check?  My husband never used to eat breakfast before marriage, so when he filled up on breakfast, he wasn't hungry for lunch.  He just didn't want to hurt my feelings.  We talked it out and decided coffee for breakfast and a few lunch snacks for the road would keep him satisfied and still hungry for dinner.

I have also found that if I allow my husband to treat me a certain way, he will continue doing so out of ignorance and vice versa.  Point in case, I was raised in a home where I was called names on a regular basis.  The names were meant to pick fun and weren't intended to be mean, but they were sooo hurtful.  How do you tell your dad that being called fat at 85 pounds in the 6th grade really sucks and that in turn you starved yourself to fit an image which you thought was perceived?  (Yes, I kept harbored feelings for a verrry long time, forgiveness isn't easy).  I carried this name calling trait into my marriage.  Anytime I get mad, I easily spew out some rude derogatory, unthoughtful comment or name.  It took  my husband THREE years before he finally told me he didn't want to be called an asshole any longer, that it hurt his feelings.  It took me another three years to stop saying that when I was angry.  I am still a work in progress.

Communication, communication, communication is what I have learned helps us.  Sometimes it means we take a quiet walk in the field to clear our thoughts or we may holler a bit and then calm ourselves down.  Either way, we are talking it out.

I honestly don't think my husband fits into the awful husband category, actually, he is pretty awesome.  We have each accepted certain roles which we feel comfortable.  I have assumed most of the domestic duties while he has assumed the financial support duties.  He is a pretty awesome handyman, one of the kindest souls you will ever meet, holds a pretty stern hand when needed, snuggles like a fluffy teddy bear, and makes the best breakfast around.  He holds our family together and often forces me to be better than I could ever try to be.  He holds me accountable for my actions and I do the same for him.  What keeps us connected?  Coffee and talks at 5 am and holding hands while laying in bed talking ourselves to sleep.

To my husband, I love you babe!

Children's Moment: Transformation Is Not Always Easy!

Guess what happened yesterday???  It is REALLY exciting!!!  I mean, I just can’t explain how exciting it is!!! Anyone want to take a guess???

Mr. Ladd bought me a new mattress and pillows!!!!  I know, I know you are thinking “what is so exciting about that?” right?  Well, our old mattress had become pretty old and didn’t provide support anymore. Each morning had become like a chore trying to get out all the kinks in my back and neck before I could even walk.  Not fun!

As excited as I am, I also realized this was not going to be fun to have a new mattress at first.  You know why?  Mr. Ladd does not like change.  Actually, he despises change.  All day yesterday he talked about how he wasn’t going to be able to sleep well on the new mattress.  He knew change would be tough for him.  And it was.  All night last night he tossed and turned and snuffed and snorted and didn’t sleep well.  He will eventually get used to our new mattress and sleep will come again.

Thinking of our new mattress and Mr. Ladd, it made me think about being a Christian.  When we become a Christian and accept God into our hearts, it doesn’t mean that a button is automatically switched onto “good person” mode.  It often means that things we have been used to doing for a long time have to change.  Perhaps we have always gossiped about others, made fun of people, or lied to our parents to stay out of trouble.  God doesn’t want us to do that, He wants us to change our ways.  Changing is not always easy though, it sometimes feels uncomfortable.  Just know that making one right choice after another becomes easier and easier over time.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

So, the next time you are trying to decide between right and wrong and it feels a bit “uncomfortable”, remember Mr. Ladd and his old bed.  You may toss and turn but eventually all those good and right choices will become easier and easier and all the “old ways” will be forgotten.

For My 16-Year Young Daughter

I wish I had someone tell me these things when I turned 16.

• You will now have more freedoms.  With freedom comes choices and with choices come consequences.  
• One of your new found freedoms is driving.  You will choose to get behind the wheel.  I hope that you remember every time I said "it only takes a split second for your life to change".  Don't look down to adjust the air, change the radio stations, check a text message, turn your head to laugh with a friend, get too busy jamming to music to hear the ambulance siren behind you, get too focused on where you need to go to not observe all the other drivers which are around you making their own choices, and never feel the need to get somewhere in a hurry - your destination will always be there, but should you choose to speed, you may not get there.
• The freedom to date.  Believe it or not, there will be more boys knocking on your door than you will know what to do with.  Remember, dating is a time for you to get to know new friends.  It is a privilege for these young men to get to know you.  Don't define yourself by the words or actions of a boy, find yourself in God's light and His way.  You owe no boy an explanation for your choices. You choose when, where, how, why and with whom.  Don't settle on just any boy, when there are tons more out there beyond your high school years and there is ONE really special one waiting for you down the road.  It is worth the wait. Expect for them to treat you well and with respect and if they don't, ditch them!  Don't shed a tear over a boy, they aren't worth it.  And always remember, your dad will be the best boyfriend you will ever have.
• There is more fun to be had than you can imagine.  Don't get tied down.  Enjoy every moment of the ride.  Take pictures along the way, because some day you may want to remember those moments.
• Stay away from alcohol, drugs, or smoking.  I don't say this just because I am a parent, but because I have seen first-hand what these things can do to a person, and I wouldn't wish that upon you. All you have to do is say "no thank you".
• True fun is had with friends who care about you, the ones who have your back, even when you don't know you need it.  They will hold your hand on shaky ground, pray with you when there are no answers to be found, laugh with you till you pee in your pants, run the extra mile with you, and they won't abandon you when you need them most.
• You are better than the words others speak.  There are always going to be naysayers out there who speak negativity.  Let their words evaporate like rain on a hot day.
• Your words define who you are. Don't speak words harmful to your soul or about someone else.  Continually speak positively about yourself and others, not only will it lift you up, it will lift up others as well.  You know the saying . . . if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  I don't always buy into that saying.  When I can't say something nice about someone, I think we have to look harder at them to find something nice to say.
• You are not alone.  No matter how it may feel like it sometimes, others have gone through the same thing you are going through.  You are not the first and you won't be the last.  
• You will never be too old to call home.  If ever you need a ride, call home.  If ever you want to hear a voice of someone who loves you, call home.  If ever you just need an ear to listen to you, call home.  If ever you just want to call home, call home.
• Money isn't free.  You work hard for your money, make it work hard for you.  Be thrifty in your everyday decisions so you have money set aside for the important things.   
• Everything in life is a choice.  Make choices which are good for you.  Learn from the mistakes of others, don't feel you need to make your own mistakes.
• Teach people how to treat you.  Set the standards high as to how you want to be treated.  Don't let others talk to you in a demeaning way or treat you disrespectfully.  If you want to be treated with respect and kindness, then hold your head high and do the same to others.  Don't let your friends talk you into treating someone in an ill-mannered fashion.  Never laugh at someone when it is not funny.  Encourage others.  Stand up for yourself.  Be strong.  Know who you are and don't let others tell you who you are.  If ever in doubt, ask your dad or mom, we will tell you how awesome you are. We only speak the truth.
• Listen when someone is talking to you.  It is easy to often hear when someone is talking but not really hear what they are saying.  Really listen and hear their message, it may be the last message you hear from them.  I remember the last message my Grandpa Allen said to me "you are loved".  It was worth the listen.
• Study hard.  You only have a limited amount of time in your life to become educated without distractions.  Focus on your studies, get into the college of your choice and enter into a career which you love.  I promise, this is a decision you will NEVER regret.
• Don't settle.  Always strive to go beyond your goals.  Don't settle for 2nd place when you have the ability to get 1st place.  It's not settling if you tried your hardest and gave it your best.  
• If you remember nothing else I have ever said to you, remember this.  You are special. You were created by God for a purpose.  Never doubt His love. Never doubt our love.  No matter where you go or what you do, you have a fan club of many . . . your dad, sister, brother, myself, your aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, neighbors, friends and God.

Happy 16th Birthday My Sweet, Sweet Daughter.  I love you.

Love, 

Mom

MEN - Advise which may save your life!!!!!

MEN - Advise which may save your life!!!!!

You should RECOGNIZE when your significant other has an upcoming "special date" such as a birthday, anniversary, Mother's (or Father's) day, etc.  With technology today there is NO reason that you cannot remember a date - put it on your digital calendar, set your alarm, add it to Outlook as a recurrence.  You are doomed if you don't.

You should PLAN something ahead of time taking into consideration your significant's interests.  This does NOT have to be costly.  Breakfast in bed, notes in places they will see, scavenger hunt to find their birthday cake, picnic in the park, dinner at home with friends.  PLAN it YOURSELF, don't rely on your kids, in-laws or their friends.  Take the bull by the horns.  You are doomed if you don't.

Let your significant KNOW you recognize THEIR day and PLANNED something ahead of time so they don't wonder if you cared enough to think and plan for them.  Dinner with no reservations doesn't count.  Flowers you pick-up at the grocery store don't count.  Boxed, unwrapped chocolates don't count (unless you are serving on a silver spoon in bed for breakfast).

Be thoughtful about your plans.  Be wise with your money.  Most of all realize, the day isn't about you, it's about them.

Read carefully as this may one day save your life!

I sure do feel lucky that God wrote that book for me

February 28, 2011

My Grandpa Allen is 81 years old.  He has a hard time seeing things with his eyes anymore so it’s hard for him to read his Bible.  When I visit he has me read his Bible to him and that’s what I did yesterday.  After I got done reading his Bible to him he said “I sure do feel lucky that God wrote that book just for me and just for you.”  It reminded me of when I was a little girl and my Grandma Allen said the same thing to me.  She always told me, “Carrie, God loved you so much that he wrote a book just for you.”  At the time I didn’t understand what my Grandma was saying to me, I really thought the Bible was written for older people who could read it and understand it.  But earlier this week I read a scripture in Matthew that says “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 

God made sure to include children in the Bible because YOU as a child are important to Him.  God loved you so much that He wrote a book just for you.  My Grandma always was able to explain things to me in a way I could understand, so what she did when I was little was to put my name in place of words in the Bible so I could see how God had written a book just for me.  Now I will read the same verse the way my Grandma used to read it to me “Let Alexandria come to me, Let Adam come to me, Let Agnes come to me. . .  and do not hinder Alexandria, Adam, Aggie, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them.”

Let us pray: “Dear God, thank you today for bringing these children into your house of worship.  I pray that we remind our children today of your love and how you prepared a special book just for each of them to read and grow to know you better.  Help each of us learn your ways through your Holy word.  We love and praise you.  In Jesus name, Amen.”

Why does death capture the young?

Why does death capture the young?  I have been at a loss of words lately on this matter.  I have been reading God's word and praying, still I have no good answers.  I have sought out answers others have given in hopes that I might understand.  Here is one that I read and it does make sense. "God does not Will "bad" things to happen in life. Rather, "bad" things happen in the freedom that comes with the gift of life. When "bad" things happen to any of God's children, God is grieved and suffers with us, experienced most vividly in the hurt and suffering of Jesus the Christ for all humanity. Any "bad" thing which happens is never the last word. Rather, God is the deepest and last word, and that word is love and eternal life with God."  I know this does not console a broken heart or the feelings of helplessness.  I do think that all things work together and for what reasons, I may never know.  I know my struggles have given me the opportunity to learn of God's love more deeply, of His caring hands and of His goodness.  All things which I have taken for granted during my life.  There is only one thing I know, it is that we live and we all will eventually die.  When and where and how, none of us know, but we can know that our hope is in God and that we can turn to Him to ask questions and seek comfort.  He has NEVER failed me and He will NEVER fail you.  Hugs and love to you.

A Little Green

I just prepared a creamed corn casserole.  It looks pretty tasty if I say so myself.  As I looked at the ingredients mixed up in the bowl, I knew there was just something missing . . . a little green.  My love for making casseroles comes from my Grandma Wanell Allen.  She could pull any combination of ingredients out of the fridge and make the tastiest eats you could imagine.  If she thought the taste might be a little questionable, she would throw bacon or cheese or Ritz crackers with butter on the top for good measure.  Without fail she always had a little green in her casseroles.  Sometimes she threw in green beans, peas, spinach, dill, parsley, broccoli, or collards.  She always had something green on hand.

My grandparents hosted many of my date nights.  I always jokingly told my dates "watch out for the casseroles, Grandma cleaned out the fridge and you never know what the green is".  I told them to steer clear of the "unknown" at dinner and stick with what they knew they would eat.  Without fail my dates wouldn't scoop out a portion of casserole and without fail my Grandpa would ask my dates if they weren't hungry.  He would keep on talking about how good Grandma's food was and ask why they wouldn't eat more and then offer them more food.  I would often watch as my dates squirmed in their seats as Grandma would offer them casserole as she saw it was missing from their plates.

Only a few passed this little test of mine and took Grandma up on her offer for casserole.  You see, my Grandma would never serve anything questionable, but just the thought made several of my dates squeamish.  I figured, if they didn't have the nerve to try Grandma's casserole, they weren't worth my time.  Many only got that first date, while only a few others moved to the second date.

If only Grandma knew about my little test . . . and that little bit of green, she may have had more fun with dinner.